What a week this has been.
A sleepless one.
Especially this morning. Jack was up, 5 am, and just done with sleep. I however was not. I just want sleep. Is that really so much to ask for?
Jack typically goes down for each nap and his bed time with very little fuss. But lately he needs to be comforted time and time again. I read a few articles and 7 month sleep information and I tried to just muscle through it all week. But today it was altogether too much.
As I stood over my son’s crib, him crying, me on the verge, I remembered the days where he slept all the time. And for the moment I wished for that back. But then I also recalled that for a couple months he would only nap on me. I was so grateful for the days when he began to happily sleep in his crib all the time.
And with that thought I wondered, while patting Jack’s back, why I felt so entitled to sleep, why I wanted to be doing anything but this and why this was so hard.
In the end Jack wants sleep too. He just has a hard time getting there right now. At this age he’s become aware when I leave, he’s becoming mobile and often gets stuck, he is growing and not to mention teething.
In the end, this day is not about the to-do list. It’s the day God has made. He made my baby and has entrusted his care to me. So I can indeed stand over his crib and help him fall asleep. It only takes an extra 5 minutes. And so I pray.
Pray that God would help me to choose the important things each day. Not to focus on the dishes if Jack needs someone to play with. Not to get caught up in what others accomplish and have time for.
As he finally drifted off to sleep I noticed his long lashes. His sweet hands clinging to the edge of his blanket. The rise and fall of his calm sleep. The soft sound of sucking on his soother.
This too will be a passing memory.
I can be present for my baby and leave behind the all the rest of it.
Some days are for getting the house clean. When Jack is happy. Or when Atticus is home to entertain him. Then I can focus on preparing my home. But the purpose of this house is not the house in and of itself. It’s the people inside that this house is for.
The clean floors are for Jack to crawl on. But sometimes his PJs and slobber will do the “cleaning”.
The dirty dishes are because we need food to live. And if they must sit there for most of the day while I help Jack chew everything safe in sight, then so be it.
God made this day, not for being busy but for being loving. For His beloved children. For relationships.
As mothers, we often stress about getting it all done and being all that and having enough. But God doesn’t. He knows. He sees.
And all that’s left is for us to kiss sweet baby cheeks and then do whatever else the day allows for.
The rest will happen.
But babies don’t wait for your house to be clean to grow up. They will become toddlers and teenagers whether your counter sparkles or not.
Now I’m off to take a nap.